Mediation and Facilitation For:
Cognitive Development & Access:
Dating Red Flags
Below is a Dating Red Flags checklist to help singles identify possible areas of problems in a prospective relationship:
I. Imagine the Future:
> _____ Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person exactly as they are?
> _____ Would I want this person to raise my child?
> _____ Would I want my child to be exactly like this person?
II. Are you Talking Yourself into a Relationship?
> _____ Do I want to rescue or ‘help’ them because I see their potential?
> _____ I love the way they look or their status and it builds my self-esteem to be with them.
> _____ We have some things in common and so I avoid looking at the glaring differences.
> _____ They appear to be totally different than people I’ve been with in the past.
> _____ I’m focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun, humour, etc) and ignoring unmet requirements.
III. Danger Signs:
> _____ Reacts to frustration with anger, rage, blame, violence.
> _____ Blames others or circumstances for life situation.
> _____ Tries to control everything, including me.
> _____ Immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible.
> _____ Emotionally distant or void, aloof.
> _____ Still pining for a past relationship.
> _____ Wants me to make their sad life better.
> _____ Married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me.
> _____ Active addiction, addictive behaviour (rationalized as “not a problem”)
IV. Other Common Red Flags
> _____ Is pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me.
> _____ Lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.
> _____ Judgmental attitude toward themselves and others.
> _____ Unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback, take responsibility.
> _____ Doesn’t keep agreements.
> _____ What they say about themselves doesn’t match reality.
> _____ Emotional roller coaster, recurring or regular emotional drama.
> _____ This isn’t what I really want, but I don’t want to be alone.
> _____ Changeable, inconsistent behaviour.
> _____ Inability to listen.
> _____ I notice myself trying to change this person to fit what I want, instead of accepting them for who they are.
> _____ Talks too much (especially about self), monopolizes conversations.
> _____ Overly quiet, withdrawn.
1. Total checked items from Section II, III, IV = _____________.
2. Circle the checked items that need closer attention, decision-making, or require more information.
3. On a scale from 0 (Not at all) to 100 (Perfect fit) my minimum score for considering any relationship is _________.
4. Using the #3 scale, I score this potential relationship as ____________ (0 to 100).
5. Based on the above results, I SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T (circle one) proceed dating this potential partner.
Note: If it’s clear you should not proceed with dating this potential partner and if you have any difficult moving on, we strongly suggest you show this checklist to your best friend, close family member, Relationship Coach and get the support you need to close this relationship.
Source: This checklist was created by Linda Marshall and David Steele and with input from the Relationship Coaching Institute.